Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
