I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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