Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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