You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
