tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
