mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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