You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
