Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Life without a bra equals bliss.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
