Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
