I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Randomize
