yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
