pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
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