I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
