yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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