You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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