So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
