he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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