as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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