lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
