he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
she smelled like a LAN party
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
