Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
