discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
