Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
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