Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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