he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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