He asked me if I "almost moaned"
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
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