My sheets look like a crime scene.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize