i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
