Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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