i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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