Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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