Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
