it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
