Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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