Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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