Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
