Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
