I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
