Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
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Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
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I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
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