I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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