a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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