Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
you would pick up someone in the library
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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