Whod you bang
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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