i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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