Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
