I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
