NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
