Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Randomize
