I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
