i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
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I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
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Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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