I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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