We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
