Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
