Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
