Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
