his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
how drunk are you?
Several
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
