There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
