i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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