I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Where did you get a picture of my penis
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
