I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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