Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
