I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Randomize