after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
