Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
